I got scared at the thought of giving myself to you fully, even though that is all I ever wanted and needed. I was afraid of who I was, and had yet to understand what my role in life meant. I was only 17. I did not know that my actions at that moment would affect my life in such a big way.Over the years you found your way back into my head and now you are all I think about. At first it was very little, then after a while it became everyday, every night, all the time. You are in my dreams as well. I think about the day I met you, when I looked up from the bench I was sitting at to see you standing in front of me. Every time I go to that place, I look at the bench and smile and wonder. All the plans we had, you even moved into a bigger place so we could "play" without theinterruptions of neighbors. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I would not have ran away. Would I still be in this lifestyle, or would I have eventually grown sick of it and left. probably not. I. Xoxo.:)" and that was it. No passive aggressive messages, no half dozen missed calls and no anything else. There was just one little text and nothing more.As Ashlee stood in the doorway of their bedroom staring at Macy sleeping so peacefully and managing to look so devastatingly cute despite the drool slowly leaking from the corner of her mouth Ashlee couldn't help but feel like the worst person to ever walk the face of the earth. At least a part of her wanted to feel like the worst person in the world. Really though she didn't feel like anything at that moment. She just felt empty, somewhat vaguely sad and tired. She was very, very tired.Sure, the guilty part of her wanted to wake up Macy right then and there to shake and beg her for forgiveness for the horrible thing she'd done, but it was honestly just a small part of her. The rest of her just wanted to be left alone to sit in the dark of the living room thinking about nothing, doing nothing and, most of all, feeling nothing. She.
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